Dealing With Parental Dilemma - Nudging Versus Pushing
𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐋 𝐃𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐌𝐌𝐀 - 𝐍𝐔𝐃𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐯𝐬 𝐏𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆
As parents, we all want the best for our children. We want to give them better opportunities than we had and experience life better...
But there was always a question within me - "𝐀𝐦 𝐈 𝐍𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐯𝐬 𝐏𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠?"
For us, our older one's singing training became that journey...
My older son, was identified at a very young age, as being perfect pitch - a person's ability to identify a musical note correctly upon hearing it.
As a trained singer who took many years to catch and learn the pitch (and I still continue to struggle), I felt it was really cool..
I started him in Indian classical - this is what my husband and I knew and liked hearing to mostly..)
But...this became a disaster for his singing...
Because… for him his love of music was something else…
There were days where in he said, he wanted to quit singing all together...
He often said - "𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞"... "𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠"... "𝐃𝐨 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨?"
He was just "𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝"...
It broke my heart.. and was a difficult decision to pull him away from singing lessons...
But then, I 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝...
It was only my dreams…
It was my vision for him to be trained in Indian Classical….
It was my dream of him singing Bollywood songs…
𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬.. 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜...
His interest was in Western singing...
His vision was in writing lyrics and coming up with his own tune...
His goal was to be able to have his voice fluent in 3 octaves, with being able to sing in multiple genres
Today...
My son continues with his 𝐖𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧 𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐉𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐲...
We love listening to all his western songs…
And as singers, both me and my husband have started singing Western songs….
And the best part is….
Now, "Arijit Singh", a top Bollywood singer happens to be one of my son's favorites along with his other Western Singers...
I had been requesting him to sing in a Indian Singing Idol competition for many years, but this year, he made the decision himself...
He selected his favorite Bollywood singer, Arijit Singh's song and performed..
And he made it to the finals and was placed third in the Singing Idol...
𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝘂𝗹𝘁 𝗷𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆, 𝘄𝗲 𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗶𝘁 𝘂𝗽 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀 .. 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀, 𝘄𝗲 𝗱𝗼 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗱...
But whenever I come to the crossroads of finding the balance between nudging versing pushing...
I inquire within - "𝐈𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐞/𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐎𝐑 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐬/𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐬?"
And somewhere this helps me find the real-deep-true-authentic answer…
And I still continue to learn everyday...
Oh well...