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๐…๐จ๐ซ๐ ๐ž๐ญ ๐“๐ซ๐ฒ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐“๐จ ๐…๐ž๐ž๐ฅ ๐๐ž๐ญ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ, ๐ˆ๐ง๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐š๐, Do This




๐…๐จ๐ซ๐ ๐ž๐ญ ๐“๐ซ๐ฒ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐“๐จ ๐…๐ž๐ž๐ฅ ๐๐ž๐ญ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ, ๐ˆ๐ง๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐š๐, ๐๐ž๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž ๐๐ž๐ญ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ ๐€๐ญ ๐…๐ž๐ž๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ .

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Most of the women who come to me for coaching, come to me with one desire - โ€œI want to feel betterโ€

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โ€œIf I can manage my burnout and find balance, I will feel betterโ€

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"If I can get that leadership role, it will make me feel goodโ€

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โ€œIf my emotional outbursts are in control, I will feel greatโ€

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"If my children behaved well and my spouse appreciated me, I will be happy"

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"If โ€‹ **** then ****"

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I call it the "If-then Happy Feeling"

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While there's nothing inherently wrong with this approach, the problem lies in the fact that we've already decided that certain external factors will solve our internal problems. A classic outside-in approach.

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We believe that fixing our relationships, families, jobs, passions, or purposes will make us feel better.

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Even self-development and coaching programs reinforce this mindset, but it's not always effective, especially as we grow older.

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The strategies that work for a person in their twenties, with less mental, emotional, and somatic baggage, may not work for someone in their 40s or beyond.

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Attempting to force ourselves to feel better by chasing external solutions can become an endless and exhausting cycle of self-improvement.

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A vicious spiral indeed!

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Instead, we shift focus on and to "๐›๐ž๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐›๐ž๐ญ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ ๐š๐ญ ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ž๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ " than "trying to feel better."

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There are no right or wrong emotions; they simply exist for a reason: โ€‹ โ€‹ to be felt, transmuted, to be learnt from and then from there, we expand and evolve.

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It's essential to acknowledge and embrace all of our feelings, even the negative ones.

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Society teaches us to avoid unpleasant emotions like anger, sadness, frustration, shame, guilt, envy, jealousy, and even physical pain.

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We somehow make an enemy out of these and run after our whole lives to avoid them.

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We push these emotions down and believe that suppressing them will lead to peace and joy.

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But they always come back, often with greater intensity and unexpected triggers.

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Feelings should not be suppressed, of course, please donโ€™t dump them on others (we risk hurting others emotionally when expressed that way).

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So what do we do?

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We transmute them with the Triple A (AAA) method.

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#1 ๐€๐–๐€๐‘๐„๐๐„๐’๐’

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Be aware of your feelings and reframe them as "feeling" instead of "being." This shifts the focus from identifying with the emotion to acknowledging it as an experience.

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#2 ๐€๐‚๐‚๐„๐๐“๐€๐๐‚๐„

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Accept and embrace your feelings. They're your guideposts and can help you understand where you're resisting or accepting reality within yourself or in life.

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There is a magic in acceptance, try it, feel it, experience it.

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#3 ๐€๐‹๐‚๐‡๐„๐Œ๐ˆ๐™๐„

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Alchemize your feelings through somatic practices, transmuting them into presence.

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Negative emotions might hold the key to self-discovery, so explore them instead of avoiding them.

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Give it a try, and you might discover a new path to your ๐’๐„๐‹๐…!

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Enjoy!

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-Sunitha Sandeep

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