𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐓𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐨 𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫, 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝, 𝐁𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐀𝐭 𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠.
Most of the women who come to me for coaching, come to me with one desire - “I want to feel better”
“If I can manage my burnout and find balance, I will feel better”
"If I can get that leadership role, it will make me feel good”
“If my emotional outbursts are in control, I will feel great”
"If my children behaved well and my spouse appreciated me, I will be happy"
"If **** then ****"
I call it the "If-then Happy Feeling"
While there's nothing inherently wrong with this approach, the problem lies in the fact that we've already decided that certain external factors will solve our internal problems. A classic outside-in approach.
We believe that fixing our relationships, families, jobs, passions, or purposes will make us feel better.
Even self-development and coaching programs reinforce this mindset, but it's not always effective, especially as we grow older.
The strategies that work for a person in their twenties, with less mental, emotional, and somatic baggage, may not work for someone in their 40s or beyond.
Attempting to force ourselves to feel better by chasing external solutions can become an endless and exhausting cycle of self-improvement.
A vicious spiral indeed!
Instead, we shift focus on and to "𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠" than "trying to feel better."
There are no right or wrong emotions; they simply exist for a reason: to be felt, transmuted, to be learnt from and then from there, we expand and evolve.
It's essential to acknowledge and embrace all of our feelings, even the negative ones.
Society teaches us to avoid unpleasant emotions like anger, sadness, frustration, shame, guilt, envy, jealousy, and even physical pain.
We somehow make an enemy out of these and run after our whole lives to avoid them.
We push these emotions down and believe that suppressing them will lead to peace and joy.
But they always come back, often with greater intensity and unexpected triggers.
Feelings should not be suppressed, of course, please don’t dump them on others (we risk hurting others emotionally when expressed that way).
So what do we do?
We transmute them with the Triple A (AAA) method.
Be aware of your feelings and reframe them as "feeling" instead of "being." This shifts the focus from identifying with the emotion to acknowledging it as an experience.
Accept and embrace your feelings. They're your guideposts and can help you understand where you're resisting or accepting reality within yourself or in life.
There is a magic in acceptance, try it, feel it, experience it.
Alchemize your feelings through somatic practices, transmuting them into presence.
Negative emotions might hold the key to self-discovery, so explore them instead of avoiding them.
Give it a try, and you might discover a new path to your 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅!