𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 - 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐍𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄
You probably have had experiences with many self-help gurus who can promise you that by constantly repeating positive phrases to yourself, you can change your life
If you simply tell yourself “I am successful, I love myself” for an hour/day, your fears will simply evaporate
If this has worked for you, you can please skip this post. This is not for you...
𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 & 𝐢𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐚𝐭 𝐚 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧.
I used to struggle with excessive negative thinking. It was combined with catastrophizing thoughts with intense fear and worry.. about anything and everything... Some of you might be able to relate...
And for me, the concept of “positive thinking” was a very difficult thing to hold on to. It was just too tiring. It did not feel authentic. It felt very pretentious.
And it seemed like everyone around me was getting this seamlessly, they had the “positive thinking” thingy working, except for me, or so I thought.
Many of my clients, who have had similar experiences, finally understood the illusion they were in. Most of my clients come from a self-help, self-growth, self-development background... and had tried the positive affirmations for quite some time..
Although it gave an initial boost, they went back to their old way, it was not sustained..
Because affirmations and positive thinking operate at the surface level of conscious thinking & do nothing to remove the conditioning at the subconscious level
With a lot of repeating, you are most likely going to create this new habit, which can become just “another” subconscious identity/conditioning subconscious (as habits end up in your subconscious)
The sad part - both positive & negative thinking takes you further away from the conscious reality you are experiencing in the present moment.
𝐓𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞, 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 & 𝐧𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘
So, let’s say, you keep saying “You are successful, You are worthy”, but then there is another deep-seated belief that “You are never enough and unworthy” - you will get into a more intense inner-war with conflicting identities pulling you in two opposite directions. This is really a tuff war... Both identities are not going to give up easily.
Of course, we know that ruminating in negative thinking can turn toxic, but white-washing your insecurities with positive thinking is only a temporary fix - also called "𝐛𝐲𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 " or "𝐭𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐲"
So how are we to take control to transform?
At the minimum, you have to transform at 3 levels (even more, but we start with these 3)
For this post, I will focus only on the mental (mind) level REFRAMING with a couple of methods that has done wonders for me & my clients.
#𝟏 𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐏 𝐀 𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅-𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊
Instead of positive or negative self-talk, use INTROSPECTIVE self-talk, be curious - “Am I really not enough & unworthy? Can I be successful? Am I willing to do what it takes to…, How can I….”
𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐲
Many studies have shown this works better than affirmations because it acknowledges your negative thoughts/feelings & reduces the need to fight them.
#𝟐 𝐅𝐎𝐂𝐔𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒, 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐔𝐋𝐓
Instead of making statement like “I am successful or I am worthy”, reframe using statements like “I am willing to feel more worthy and successful"...
Here, you are not focusing on the result of success or being worthy, 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 – 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 “𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠” 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 & 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜.
If you are prone to negative thinking and sick with positive affirmations that don’t work, try one of the above methodologies.
You may start noticing major changes in your life!
And if you can go further, exploring making changes at the emotional and somatic levels too..
𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆!